Why won't anyone in this house use a potty?
I took the cat to the vet this afternoon to try to confirm that she has been peeing and pooping on my carpets out of spite rather than because she is suffering from some terrible illness. Sure enough, the diagnosis was a big fat case of belligerence. The vet suggested additional litter boxes (MORE opportunities to clean up shit around here? Is he kidding?) and I mentioned that it's kind of a challenge to find places to put litter boxes where small children can not help themselves to the contents. He recommended we use some kind of gate that would keep kids out but provide a small opening for the cat to get through. Sounded like a fabulous idea, so I asked when we could find one of those. Turns out they don't really exist, but he thought maybe we could make one (get this) out of CARDBOARD. I'm usually a little better behaved among the clueless non-parents of the world, but I couldn't help it -- I looked at him incredulously and asked "do you have children?" He confessed he did not. "Didn't think so," I replied. "Cardboard does not contain toddlers."
I realize the man's job is to care for pets, not people, but I really left there with the distinct impression that he felt that our decision to procreate was incredibly irresponsible and unfair to our household pet. I feel for the animal, really I do. There are full weeks when I scarcely have time to make sure she's still breathing these days, and that's really not nice of me since I used to dote on her when she was my only baby. But here's the thing. There are no "farms" for little girls who will not go pee pee in the potty. But there sure as heck is one for cats. And at some point, if someone around here does not start using their potty, I'm liable to snap.