Stupid is as stupid does

The task was a puzzle, a map of the United States. Julia was doing a pretty terrific job of putting it together, but eventually she got a little stuck. And so she casually asked for help, confident that I'd posses the information she lacked and could teach her what she did not yet know.

"Where does Ohio go, Mom?" I was across the room at the time, with no puzzle box to casually consult for assistance, and the question stopped me dead in my tracks. I didn't know the answer.

Ohio. Ohio. Shit. Where does Ohio go? I was born in Ohio for God's sakes. And it's... somewhere close to Michigan?

Geography, needless to say, is not my strong suit. It's one of those areas of study which requires rote memorization and I was never much one for rote memorization. In fact, I vividly remember struggling through an elementary school unit on the location of the 50 states. It was during that unit that I realized for the first time that I wasn't going to be able to coast effortlessly through school forever. Occasionally, I was going to have to do a little bit of work. This was a prospect I'd never even contemplated before, and it would have been a sobering realization if I'd fully been ready for it, but I wasn't nearly ready for it then. Instead I just got angry and refused to deal with the subject of geography at all. It would take years for me to accept the fact that I was merely smart and not brilliant. In the meantime, I missed out on learning a lot of things, including the map of the United States.

I have to assume that there must have been later opportunities to brush up on my geography. Despite the fact that I did eventually reconcile myself to some level of academic effort, I clearly eschewed them all (though I really can't say whether maintaining this gap in my knowledge was the result of a deliberate act of protest or just plain laziness). Either way, I've never quite known my way around a U.S. map, and I've never been proud of that fact. I can obviously see now why geography would have been a useful thing to study, and I'd already had quite a few "so that's where that state goes" aha moments as Julia had placed other pieces into the puzzle this afternoon. This was turning out to be a learning experience for both of us. But was I secure enough to let my daughter know that? Could I admit to her that I wasn't sure exactly where the border between Michigan and Ohio is located?

I could not. "Let's see if you can figure it out on your own," I encouraged her instead. "Use the picture on the box if you need to." Sure enough, she managed to insert the Ohio piece into the puzzle all by herself. I breathed a sigh of relief. And then, after she went to bed, I stood at the kitchen tale and I studied that completed puzzle, the way I should have studied it in the first place.

I'm 100% clear on how Michigan and Ohio are connected now. Hell, for the first time in my life, I'm finally clear on how most of the states are connected. In classic "better late than never" style, I could probably ace that elementary school unit now, a mere 20-odd years after the fact. We all need our own motivation to learn, I suppose, and I've finally found mine. I was stupid about a lot of things for a long time. But I'll be damned if I'm going to look stupid in front of my 4 year old.