The things that will never make it in the baby books and other musings from a stay at home mom

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Girls will be girls

Julia's teacher describes her class this year as "cliquey." She says that these are not the nasty kind of cliques -- the kids just seem to naturally pair off into close friendships. It sounds innocuous the way she describes it, but I suspect that she's sugar coating things a bit. I know that Julia and her best friend are particularly tight. Other mothers have told me on more than one occasion that their kids have felt left out because the two girls are such a formidable team. Deliberate or not, I often worry that my kid might be hurting other kids' feelings. Up until now, I've managed to convince myself that these actions weren't intentional or malicious, that at just 4, these kids couldn't possibly be old enough or mature enough to leave each other out on purpose. Now I'm less sure.

Julia had a playdate yesterday with R, a "2nd tier" school friend. Julia and B are best friends. R and A are best friends. The 4 girls all play together and are their own exclusive foursome a lot of the time, but this is the first time that Julia and R have played alone. I was frankly glad when Julia asked for the playdate; I love B and the girls are great together, but it's nice to see Julia spread her wings and expand her friendship circle a bit.

Julia and R were together in the kitchen working on an art project and I could hear them talking from the other room. They were decorating a jewelry box together, a process which involved much deliberation and discussion even if the end result looked pretty darn random. "The next time I come over, this will be yours and mine again, right?" R asked Julia, and Julia assured her that it would. "OK," R continued. "But if B comes over to your house, she isn't allowed to play with it. Ever. It's just ours." I could hear the confusion, and then the growing confidence in Julia's voice as she agreed.

Yikes. If this is 4, what's 14 going to be like?


At 2:28 PM, Blogger Steph said...

Wow. I have yet to see interactions like this with M. Most of her friends are boys (our playgroup is M and 3 boys, and there are only 4 girls in her class of 11 kids), so our playdates usually involve running around like maniacs, some pushing and shoving, car racing and the very occasional craft project. Sometimes I feel like we need to branch out and find more girls to have playdates with, but now I'm not so sure ;)

At 2:54 PM, Blogger Kristy said...

Girls will be Girls. And Women will be Women. When you see it at this age (and I've seen it in my 4yo girl) you can't help but think it's that XX combination. Funny thing is though, as much as I laugh at all things XY, I'm not so amused by all things XX.

At 3:10 PM, Blogger Joy said...

A of couple weeks ago I posted about something similar to this (Jan 12 - Please Tell Me It Isn't So) and how I just can't believe this stuff goes on at 4 years of age! It's sad really that even if you try to raise your kids to be kind and include others, they're still bound to run up against it at some point. When that happens I'll consider it my job to help my daughter understand how it affects others and that it's just not a very nice thing to do.

At 8:21 PM, Blogger Lisa(lildaus) said...

I just started reading "Queen Bees and Wannabees"..... 14 will NOT be pretty.


At 12:59 PM, Blogger Jennifer said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Raising a girl scares me.


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